yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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