You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
