i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
