Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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