guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
