She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
