Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize