It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
