I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
