do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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