Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
