We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
