Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
