When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You can't special order awesome
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
