still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
