You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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