What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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