maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
