i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
