I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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