two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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