I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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