So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
