my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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