I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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