I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
