if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
