I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
