I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize