He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I need to align my fucking chakras
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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