You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
