whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
