Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
