so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
