So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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