they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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