I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
