Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
