dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
