...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
