I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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