Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
