Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
