the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
