Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
