just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
