If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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