Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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