I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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