I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
