I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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