after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
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THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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