the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
