in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
