im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
