Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
