Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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