No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
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Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
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Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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