I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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