Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
