dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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