You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
