I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
