Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
