Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
