why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
