i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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