I think scott just propositioned me for sex
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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