now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
