Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
