We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
