yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
