Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
