I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
